i lost...

the deed is done and my heart is damaged.

feel good no more

what is wrong with me??? it's so frustrating that after all the encounters that i had, i learn absolutely nothing!!! i don't get it.. something is dysfunctional inside me... and it is seriously disturbing. i let my guard down... again. rite now, i just wanna go somewhere peaceful and serene. i need my sanity.

raya tunes

since it's gonna be raya in a couple of days, just would like to share my fav raya songs. hands down by far my top pick is Pulanglah by Aishah.

others songs include:
- suasana hari raya - anuar zain & elina
- satu hari di hari raya - m.nasir

the remaining raya hits are tolerable especially the usual classics. newer songs are just not as engaging for me.

end of neurology

too bad for i really like this rotation. the hours are just incredible. and i think i learn a lot too.

lipstick jungle

i know the title sounds tacky but try give it a watch. it's not everybody's cup of tea but i like it nonetheless. if u have nothing else to watch then why not give this one a go.

take a pick

i hate it when people give me an ultimatum. why does it have to be all or nothing? it's hard enough to choose as u don't wanna to end up making the wrong decision. and make no mistake about it, because what i did was appalling, i know... believe me, it wasn't a proud moment for me. but through times like this, at least i have the decency to come forward and admit my wrong doings. shit la!!

gossip girl

better watch out Queen B, i heard Serena is making a comeback. better dust up the throne and make way for the worthy ruler of the courtyard..., but don't be so upset, u won't be gone for good. i bet Serena is making u her leading maiden. Ur time is up B....


xoxo

furious lady

hell hath no fury like a woman who is scorn... i guess i push the button a little too far this time. oucchhh....

why so serious???

why are the Emmys critics are throwing such a harsh feedback on all 5 co host of the Emmy night ? (seacrest, klum, probst, bergeron, mandel). lighten up!!! i thought that their delivery was decent. so back off, and give them credit for at least trying...it's not always an easy task to jump in from an unscripted reality tv to co hosting a live production mind you...

cintaku pergi

a song by Reshmonu. beautiful melody & heartfelt lyric. i like it.

mom

just wanna put a smile on your face. i know you're reading this. =)

random thoughts

-i truly have a high opinion for someone who is accomplish in so many ways and yet is so well grounded at the same time. so thank you for being very down to earth.

- some people can never change. it puzzles me that one can live without a guilty conscience...

- i misses my occasional late night 'yamcha' with friends back home.

- it upsets me to know that my ex is already happily married. how dare she got over me that quick ... hahah =P, but i know we're cool rite...

- apparently, i may be stuck in cork for the winter holidays. should the plane ticket be cheaper, i would've book a flight to Munich, Germany in a heartbeat. i have no interest going elsewhere.

- for no good reason, i like to look at the lefties when they're writing.

- one day, i decided to go bald, but my hairstylist talk me out of it.

- every now and then, i log in to a forum and read about other people's misfortunes. it kinda give me a relief to know that shit happens everywhere and not just in my life

locked in syndrome

she was admitted following bilateral blurry vision. had a hx of migraine. went in, did a CT scan, suggestive of possibly a sinus venous thrombosis. i saw her. i talked to her two times. then just now, when i see her again, she was in the intensive care unit. she is lying in the bed, unable to move or communicate. the consultant fear for the worst. she might have a locked in syndrome. my heart sank there and then...


Q - what is locked in syndrome ???

A - is a condition in which a patient is aware and awake, but cannot move or communicate due to complete paralysis of nearly all voluntary muscles in the body. It is the result of a brain stem lesion in which the ventral part of the pons is damaged. The condition has been described as "the closest thing to being buried alive". They communicate by moving and blinking their eyes which are not affected.
*credit to Wikipedia*

surprise surprise

why the sudden resignation from the finance minister post? what is the underlying reason for this withdrawal? has Abdullah finally succumb to the build up pressure by the opposition? interesting!!

al fatihah to my uncle

ainul maslih bin zaenal abidin

to my generous readers, i hope u can spend a second or so, reciting fatihah for my late uncle arwah "ainul maslih bin zaenal abidin" who passed away recently. ur kindness is greatly appreciated.

my condolence to the my aunty, my cousins and the immediate family.

the ipod timeline

the wonders of technology. 4th generation of the ipod nano is coming out pretty soon. it is much cheaper, thinner and sleeker!!

political tension

the heat is up, and frankly it's been in such a state for quite some time now. more often than not, i try to avoid issuing opinions regarding my political view. but today, as i eagerly anticipate what would happen by sept 16th, a date that is infamously announced where a new government will be established and that Dato' Sri Anwar will triumph as the new prime minister.

deep down, in respect to the current situation, such outcome is not impossible. but as of today, BN is still standing still, maybe slightly weak, but enough to commit themselves as the official ruler @ administrator of the country. so, is it just an empty promise, an opportunistic way of winning the hearts of dissatisfied citizens that is in dire for an immediate change? let us all wait and see. for sure, i am curious. i have my own stand but there is no reason for me to disclose it here. i just hope for the best, for what i think is a better option for my beloved Malaysia.

neurology

at last... i feel part of the team. i feel appreciated. mistakes are corrected, credits are given generously. my opinion matter. i feel belonged.


thank you.

why not biking?

unlike my colleagues, why don't i cycle?

and the simple truth is that i am very fond of walking.

lonely

it gets lonely when ur up here alone & by urself. things seems different nowadays. friends are walking out from u, coversations are running dry and only silence fills up the room. the genuine feeling of looking and caring for one another is long gone. loneliness creeps in and it is palpable more than ever. the sad truth is that they don't hate u but they just don't care, giving you the cold shoulders whenever you're near. ur existence doesn't seem to do much. ur just another face in the crowd. forgetable.... & of no significance.

done with vascular

woohoo, the 3 weeks of vascular surgery is over.... but truth be told despite my complaints for the past few weeks, towards the end i realize that sulking up won't do me any good. so, instead i learn to be more proactive. modesty just won't get me far... at least for the time being.


p.s: next week, i'm up for neurology

the turkey shoots

it is an ongoing tradition proudly held by the respective consultants. in the room, the final meds were lined up one by one & given the honour of having the front row seat. it wasn't a proud moment for us. while being seated, we listen, we fidget and inevitably the adrenaline was pumping hard. each of us had their fair share of questions. i bet the upper authorities were having a field day laughing at our ignorance.

what???

bring that on??

so small

there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day. in this sweet madness, and the glory of sadness that brings me to my knees. i feel small. i'm humbled.

Return of the King

eat your hear out haters!!!! the result speaks for itself. yesterday, Roger Federer annihilates top British tennis player Andy Murray in a straight set match with a 6-2, 7-5, 6-2 to win his fifth straight U.S. Open championship and 13th Grand Slam title. Federer is just one trophy short to level it off with the legendary Pete Sampras. no doubt that it has been a pretty tough season for federer, critics are writing him off, putting him in the hot seat, arguing that he has "lost" his mommentum, unable to successfully defend his earlier Grand Slam trophies. everyone figured Federer needed help, and everyone figured they knew how to help. turns out Federer was just fine. turns out he still knew how to win a major tournament and he wins with such grace and style. at the end of the day, it looks like Roger Federer is having the last laugh after all !!

hindi films

i've been watching old Hindi movies for 2 days in a row now. tragic !!

the undisputed champ

Serena's back and in the midst of inconsistent front runners in women tennis, her return marks an indication that the big players from yesteryears are there to stay. after losing the Wimbledon final to elder sister Venus, she's definitely hungry for more trophies - the respectable ones of course. her last Grand Slam was about 18 months ago where she won the 07 australian open. now, not only she collected her 9th career Grand Slam but she also reclaims her true position by dethroning Ana Ivanovic of the top post. just for the record, Serena never dropped a set in the recent Flushing Meadows tournament & even besting out Venus in her attempt to recapture the title that she won several years back. maybe not such a groundbreaking comeback, but the resume is still impressive , isn't it not?

the trouble is....

no matter what i say, no matter what i do, the heart still likes what it likes la kan??? you just can't force it. sad but true, even in me, emotions sometimes defy logic.... the things that you do, the extra miles that you go for...



pathetic!!!

sunday morning

feel a bit washed up today. i don't know why but this song is stuck in my head. it kinda reminds me of my senior high. a blast from the past.

someday - sugar ray

where my readers at ??

once, a friend bluntly asked " who reads my blog?"

and my reply was a spontaneous i don't know. i don't blog for the hits. i just write for the fun of it. no expectations there. but little did i know that when i checked my stats, between last mon-fri, apparently, i have generous viewers from people in these places..... erkkkk

the forgotten medical children

it sucks big time being in the final med and not being taken seriously. i wouldn't have whine that much should it happen during the earlier clinical years. initially i really thought that things would've been better, a refreshing change from the tedious and lengthy hours of waiting and doing nothing. make no mistake about this, but i'm not bitching about my consultant. as busy as he is saving lives, i just wish that he allocates more time to teach, encourage our participation, listen to what we say and give constructive criticism on our performances. his feedback is crucial at this stage. given the current circumstances, i don't anticipate that much but the least that he can do within the immediate time frame is to acknowledge my presence.... that's all.

something to remember....

"more than words is all i needed you to show. then you don't have to say i love you cause i already know...."

too often, words say too much. we fail to notice that love comes in silence too. somethings should just be left unspoken and remain untouched. love isn't all about unity. but...

what if silence breaks the heart?

sibling rivalry - clashes of the Williams

little sister, serena barely got the better of older sister venus williams in the recent U.S. Open quarterfinal that was fit for a final showdown, coming back in each set to win 7-6 (6), 7-6 (7). it was unfortunate that they play so early in the tournament since a pure classic match like this is so deserving for a spectacular conclusion of a grand slam tournament. bad seeding system i guess. organizers should've save the best for last. venus had all sorts of chances to take control, but in the end, as the intensity peaked and both women's reached their boiling point it was serena who pulled through. In the second tiebreaker, venus had four set points and serena saved them all!!! nothing short of a true champ!

eating the humble pie

trying not to put myself out there so much. maybe it's better for me to lay low and stay away from the radar. i'm tired of people mistaken my confidence as arrogance. in any way i hope i don't come across as a stuck up, self obsessed pissing everybody around him kinda guy. but above all that, i still keep my head up high as people around me is a little stingy on giving sincere compliments. i pride mysef but in the future i won't do it in front of you. i hope i pleased you well.

i annoy people

to the point where i can come across as a loud, opinionated, sarcastic, egocentric, upfront kind of person. truly, in all honesty, i never meant to impose any of my thoughts to anybody. each of us is unique in the sense that we behave differently, and react in an individual manner and this need to be respected. so, i am sorry if i offended anybody in anyway and trust me it was unintentional. my opinion remains mine. whether it's right or wrong, it is not the main concern. i realized that i am talking out of my league and i have no business here.

in love with lust

in simple analogy, lust is the equivalent of a short term fun ride while love is the long haul, the entire journey through numerous ups & downs in a relationship. at such a young age, being male especially, do people who commit only to love and seek nothing more than such pleasure of the intangible emotion exist? it's no rocket science and no offense to the male population but we all know how our genetic make up is build. in denial as some may appear, but inevitably most of us are geared more towards the lusty side of the any given relationship. but the burning question is to what extent can we distinguish whether the reactions or the actions that we invested in all this while are lust @ love oriented?

you see, lust like love is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you're in lust or love, whether she may be "the one" or merely a passing fancy who'll have your blood boiling for only a short while. confusing isn't it not? in cases like this, the real trick is in deciding what you want and that is entirely up to you. there is no wrong or right answer here. however, as a reminder, with every choices made, they are consequences. so just be prepared to live with it. life is not without regret.

sizing it up

does size really matter?

oh helll yeahhh... with a 6.3" tool you could load so much more to the target. smaller ones are fine too.. with the right technique of course. but it's the extra inches with the big gun that gives pure satisfaction... whoaa... by the time ur done, they'll be begging for more!