de tour

instead of doing obstetrics, going to the labour ward, taking a hx, or examine patients... i did something different for a change. i went and did orthopedics with mr flemming & his team. plus i even got their phone numbers, just in case if i need to contact them later on, and they even invited me to theatre tomorrow.. *wink* - team ortho ni... hahah

next

all this while, people have been chanting to u, openly, like on the bumper stickers that u see everywhere... "take a chance, life is short".. "take a risk, u won't regret it" and that is exactly what i did. i took a chance. i gambled.

and although at the back my mind, i know i'm fighting a losing battle here, but i'm prepared to risk it this time. but unfortunately, unlike any other cliche stories that i heard, my gamble did'nt paid off. it was embarrassing, and probably the single good thing that come out of this is that i wasn't left wandering. and having said that, having a reality check is even worse. it proves that i was right all along..

owwhhh... f*** it.

8.08

and it's time for bed... i know.. who the hell sleeps at 8?.. but hey.. it's freaking cold out there... done my revision during the afternoon (heheh), and i've watched gossip girl epi 8 already. tried calling home but nobody is picking up the phone. so, what more can i do in such temperature.

already wrapped myself in my nice comfy duvet + lots of pillows around me... so gud nite dear readers.

quote

a direct quote from gossip girl...

"keeping your pride & get nothing @ taking a risk & maybe... maybe..having everything.."

interesting...

nobody supposed to be here

...so i placed my heart under lock & key, to take some time, and take care of me... but i turn around & ur standing here....

how did you get here? nobody's supposed to be here...

Ayah

in the midst of this cold weather, underneath the layers of clothing that i'm wearing now.... i miss the warmth of ur presence, ur guidance & ur wisdom to knock some sense into my thick skull...

4 in the morning

and i'm up.. went to bed a little too early last night. the house is quite. i think everybody is still asleep. today is a bank holiday. so, perhaps... another unproductive day for me but who knows... somewhere in between the TV watching, the internet surfing.. i'll find an hour or two to catch up with my reading. i'm definitely lagging behind now.

a newly crowned Datuk

and she deserves it so much. so, congratulations Datuk Sheila Majid... who remains as one of Malaysia's finest performer.

the green eyed monster

jealousy. it grips ur mind. it eats ur heart out. it forces u to think of nothing else. whether they are having a good time. or actually, having a better time with someone else compared to with u. u screen all the possibilities.

where r they going?
what r they talking about?
is she laughing at her jokes?
does he like her?
does she likes him too?

and perhaps the question that will bug u the most is....



are u out of the game???

girls aloud - the promise

this was on last saturday X Factor and their performance was decent. the girls look immaculately beautiful and their little gestures in between the singing are simply cute!!

talking trash

i have a friend on Facebook who constantly talks about his girlfriend via status updates. and he changes this every so often.

"oh, i can't wait to see her!"

"i get to see her tonight!"

"we had the best weekend together!"

"i miss u so much!"

"hugs & kisses to u, xoxo"

pathetic!!! did I mention he complements each of these status updates with little hearts? with f*****g little hearts. u might say this bothers me because i am a bitter person. u might say that or u might also agree with me. truth be told, i don't have a problem with other people's relationships. get as happy as you want. it's ur life anyway. my prediction is that it probably wouldn't last but hey—enjoy it while it does. and if it does last, well, u've got yourself a keeper. Just shut up about it.

we're no longer in the junior high & parading ur affection like that is no longer cute. and in all honestly, i don't give a s*** about ur girlfriend. u both deserve each other. Grow a pair. Next thing you know u'll be married with a bunch of squealing children and u'll update your Facebook status with something similar like this "a man is incomplete until he is married. after that, he is finished."

seriously...

far from perfect

I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, i have failed as much as i have succeeded. and i'm still learning, trying to be a better person .. so cut me some slacks and don't put up ur hopes too high. don't bet on me because i wouldn't bet on me either. at least not now...

sad

how would u react if u were told to back off when ur just showing interest and wants to learn?? what's the point of showing up then. would it kill u to be nice to people??

but on a different note, my heart skipped a beat when i saw this beautiful set of twins. they were so tiny and adorable. now, i wish i'm a proud parent with children of my own.

penat tapi puas

at the end of the day, it doesn't seems to matter because i did gain a lot today. tq shawn for making me feel part of the team, that i belonged and i have something to contribute. i'm no longer standing at the corner, fidgeting and whining. seriously... i'm glad ur there.

i love & i hate & everything in between

When we love something, what happens? What happens is that we want to possess it. We want to hold it close, attach to it, and protect it. We want it to be a part of us. When we hate, we want to get as far away from the hated as we can, or even destroy it. These two feelings are quite different, but actually, they come from the identical root, they are two sides of the same coin. Because when we hold something close, when we love something, we become afraid of losing it, and this brings up jealousy, and jealousy, of course, is based on hatred as we become guarded and secretive. so, is it acceptable to love @ hate at the same time? it may neither seems rational nor logical but we do this because we have to do this. we wouldn't know how else to react. it's cliche but nonetheless true.

the locker room

we're bored. my consultant is off to Paris. the SHOs favour the 4th meds. i went to OT and was snubbed. only one person is allowed at a time. went to labour ward but again the 4th meds were there. so, all frustrated and with no productive hour despite the enthusiast and effort shown. then.. in the locker room... light, camera ................... and ..................SNAP!!!

where have u gone to?

the person who bursts out laughing like there are no worries to shoulder.... i can't find him now. but i notice a sombre looking person who feels like he is carrying the weight of the world on his back.. i miss the former. how to bring him back?

why i acted the way i did

i know there have been complaints or comments made against my recent behaviour. and i admit, what i did was immature, irrational and somewhat foolish. but come on, how long have u known me?? 5 years rite?? so within this long time frame, wouldn't you have notice that my pride can easily be bruised by the tiny insignificant little details like this. it may not upset other people but i'm different. this is just how my body works and i'm sorry if i don't conceal it as well as i should've.

all I'm asking for is a simple apology or a clarification of the matter. that would suffice. all this while, i used to comment that why is difficult for people to utter the 3 words of "i am sorry" when i can say them in a heartbeat. until proven otherwise, i have the feeling that u will never seek my apology and u being u, will leave it to time until things get better and from there on, we're good & pretend as if nothing happen. but, I'm tired of giving in and letting people walk all over me. that's why i stood up and left. because i have pride.

p.s: i know some of u will laugh & joke about this entry and by all means go ahead. i'm not like u. i don't have the ability to take it with a pinch of salt. i'm sorry, it's just me.

more raya pics

it was a grand occasion. too bad, i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. but nevertheless, everybody seems to have a bloody good time. so well done organizers!


p.s: haizum, i told u.. this pic will be up on the blog... *evil grin*

cheeky

isn't it hilarious?? i know it looks a little inappropriate but with all this gloomy and sombre atmosphere around, this one definitely cracks me up... =)

friday morning

it is hours before my medicine exams. haven't done much reading yet though... so, i try to stick up to what is common & save the weird and wonderful for later revision. and on a different note, i kinda feel a bit off today. and it isn't much about the stress of the coming exam but more towards this complex and unresolved issues that i have... but somethings are just meant to be concealed don't they?? even though silence breaks the heart but the consequences will be more severe if the mouth speaks. and i wouldn't want that too....

1 syawal

to those who are celebrating Eid, selamat hari raya & maaf zahir batin.

check it out!!!!! new blog

http://75summerstown.blogspot.com/

it's a joint effort between the residents of 75 summerstown road. so occasionally, there will be entries from any 5 of us (me, izad, nik, shahid, ameen). i bet some of u are curious on what we're up to.. so.. aper lagi!!!! click la link tu... i know u want to!!! heheh