my consultant was super nice today. made me blushed.. and on top of that, he remembered..so sweet!

had dinner @ Soho just now. probably the last dinner i'll have with the lads. am leaving to limerick really soon. surely, gonna miss cork & it's people. a fresh new start, with a brand new toy... hehe

bye bye

make my wish come true.... all i want for........

party

hands down, the best on call that i had for so many months. it's still hard to believe that i multi tasked between singing & dancing in the res n doing the ward jobs in between.

the party was crazy. most of us were there, in our small little res. nonetheless, we manage to make full use of the size & change it into a dance floor, with flashing lights & drinking table at the side. and to see the face of ur colleagues all drunk and soapy were priceless.

of course, by midnight they moved to highfield rugby club and i stayed, finishing my ward jobs...

and of course, as of many other parties, the drunken lots will eventually hooked up with one another. and that's an entirely different story. who slept with who, who kissed who, . u wouldn't believe ur eyes even if u had the first hand view. and where else could they end up into?? hmm.. the on call room perhaps. just like what u would've seen in tv... only better!

finally it sinks in... i have to find a house or a room preferably. will be moving to limerick soon... 13 days left. tik tok.. tik tok.. tik tok..

the 6 months of internship is almost over. learn a lot, whine a lot more, but at the end of the day, i will always have a soft spot for SIVUH. gonna leave the hospital soon but i'm sure i'll get over it. limerick sounds promising. will be going there next with high hopes that it'll be great fun.

saya sayang south <3

good things

1) it was only yesterday that i posted my dissatisfaction of not getting enough credit for my work... and today i got some recognitions... heheh

2) went out with the lads. had three course dinner. it was a fun occasion. we sat for about 2 hours, eating, whining & moaning about all sorts of things

3) got a new watch. heheh. am loving it.

4) and more importantly. i stood up for myself, leaving out personal affection and acted professionally.

underappreciated

EVERYONE NEEDS ACKNOWLEDGMENT. Not that we’ll die without it, but it really makes a difference when we know other people know how good a job we’re doing.

..bitch got lucky... some people are truly blessed.

i was reading back the archives of 75 summerstown blog. and i miss the good old days. reading back all those posting especially of the first few months, it just shows how tight we were.

last week, i had a chance to go back to 75. it's different now... new tenants.. hmm

i really feel sorry them. and i feel guilty as well. turns out, it wasn't fun at all when i have all the time in the world and they're stuck on the wards until the late hours.

and you give urself away...

nothing to win & nothing left to lose...

with or without you... i..

i can live with or without you..

i'm thinking big now. i hope i'm brave enough to make it possible when the time comes. life could be good there. great actually.

and i'll be closer...

you're beautiful

you're beautiful .. it's true

i saw your face in a crowded place & i don't know what to do

cause i never be with you..

and it's time to face the truth... i will never be with you

this is when i hate it the most.

the days where nothing seems to be on the right track. blunders all over and the one thing that keeps ur sanity alive is no longer there.

it's a different world now. i just can't simply leave and not take notice. during my college years, i can head off whenever i feel like it. not attending lectures, skip classes and just stay in bed all day if i choose to do so. but now, all of that is no longer possible.

and ur not helping either. i would love to run free and let loose but from where i'm standing now, it looks like i'm the one who was run over.

kuch kuch hota hai... you won't understand

things are getty pretty hectic with the day jobs. calls are getting busier as well. and for that matter, i think i lost most of my extra kgs that i gained during my recent trip back home. heheh

no more early mornings. woohooo!!!

late nights, i can live with that. but early morning is a big no no... 

dah lama x tido puas2. 

and another thing. mcm kak N ckp. xpela, kita baru nak bermula. diorang tu rasa gah di unit masing2 jer. but they cannot go further. they're stuck. but we can grow and continue to grow until we reach the top. tsk tsk tsk

for the first time, i feel like going to work rather than sitting at home on a monday night. 

i work for 2 teams this week. kene byk cross cover. have to hold 2 different bleep for 2 teams. and for that matter, i'm very2 grateful to one of my colleague for holding my other bleep. korang mmg sempoi!! 

pics : click to enlarge.  *credit to klubkidd*

i'm all set to go home now. after 5 years, i'm so excited to celebrate raya in my hometown.

-------------------------
this week has been pretty hectic. but i'm glad it's over. the team is great and the SHO is very helpful.

well today, initially i think i'll have a half day off. but i finished everything by 9am!!! so, practically, i have nothing else to do and i left early..

-------------------------

and to my gentle readers, wishing all of u selamat hari raya & maaf zahir batin.


ilman aiman ismail

i had a week of dermatology (covering) and i hated it.

i never liked derm when i was in 4th year and i still despise it now.

oh well, up to cardio next week. hopefully it remains quiet.

2/5 of the house members already own an iphone. what about the rest? we're interested, but they are out of stock at the moment. yesterday the 32gb version is available at o2 wilton, but i think it's just a little too much for me. i don't need that much space. 16gb would have suffice. so, i passed it. 

i was browsing thru the 75 summerstown blog recently, and one comment caught my attention. it's nothing really, but one gentle reader is waiting in vain ( i suppose) for ameen to contribute his fair share of writing in the blog. 

it's kind of comical that despite the clarification that he gave many weeks ago, this MJ is still anticipating a post from mr ameen. it's not really her intention but the way she said it makes me laugh everytime i read it... lol

and deep down i do hope that ameen post something up for MJ's sake. i bet she'll ( i strongly suspect it's a she) be over the moon when she reads it. probably will even make her day. =>

another week of paid holiday.. heheh =)

and 2 weeks more... lalala

btw, am munching m&ms peanuts.. =)

and oh, US open has started today. of course, i'm all for team federer. vamos roger!!!

i think, i'm practically the only one who shows no emotions when leaving the team today. it's time for a change. the team is great and all but i'm ready for something different. bye bye rheumatology.


and i'm so glad that i don't have to go to the medical day unit for at least a month. i hate doing the infusions. period. and the good thing is that i'll be bleepless for the week. imagine !! haha


and you......................... ur sex is on fire........... =)

after so many months of being inactive and lazy, i finally hit the gym this morning. u see, it is much easier if u have a proper transport to go back and forth to the gym on a regular interval. now, thanks to my honda civic, i can finally drive up there within minutes. better make use of the privilege of having it for free before it expires by the end of September. 

p/s: no, i don't like to cycle. i don't have much coins to take the bus either and i am no longer fond of walking. there.. 

So, what's new today ?

well, there's a honda civic parked in front of the porch for a start. nothing fancy though and it still feels so surreal!! 

but the paper works that come with it is just tedious. 

what? nissan micra?? don't know. 

i was offered a reasonable deal a while ago. should i go for it?

then i had this thought. what if i to stay longer? would it make much of a difference?

i miss home and everybody there.

... just get back up when they knock u down...

am on holiday at the moment. no, i'm not going anywhere interesting. just sitting around at home watching plenty of movies back to back on my comfy bed. just the way i like it... =)

the week has been really busy. so many calls to do. i miss sitting at home or lying on the bed doing nothing. hahah..

the last call for the month this friday. then, i'm off for august!!!

no more facebook poker. 

i just had to do it. if i keep holding on, chances are that i'll keep trying to win back all my losses... and i don't like that. it's either all or nothing. and i choose the latter. 

today is a bit quiet... but i'm on call again tomorrow... waa... x suke on call. boring!!!

and can't wait for my annual leave later this month!!

went for a buffet lunch at CX cash & carry. the spread is just heavenly. seriously... i never feel so full in many months. after finish eating, i spend the next 40 minutes just sitting around as i'm too full to walk! 

and it's cheap as well! a very good bargain!

had a half day today. this morning, out of the blue, my SHO said that we're not really busy today and that i can head home. waweee. things like this don't happen that often..

ok, i'm running out of words to write. so, lets call it a night. time to go to bed and get some sleep..

it is kinda sad to see that people don't measure up to ur expecations when all this while, u really put ur faith in them. they are entitle to their choices. it's their life. so, i let it be.

ironically, the more i get to know them, the lesser of a person i think they are.

i used to spends hours playing it. but lately, poker seems to be of little interest to me. i wonder what drives my motivation away? back then, i played even in the middle of my final med exams!!! seriously. i could play for hours, whine a bit when my money runs dry, get a revenge and climb back with more money in hand.

i used to play with min when i was in kajang the other day. we played like mad. i miss those moments.

i don't know why, but i'm really looking forward to work with dr murphy. it maybe only for a week, but i just can't wait. seriously like...

would've get the chance if i didn't swap the other day. if only dr murphy takes two interns. darn darn darn!

and oh, my consultant is away but we're still getting new inpatients. he's on a cruise somewhere in the meditranean. nice meh...

tapi dr murphy...

my sho has return. so, half of the burden is off. and not to forget the occasional free rides!! 

jangan kau lepaskan

yippie!! it's a bank holiday today. so this means, i get to lie in bed the entire morning if i want to. no monday blues today babeh...

and last weekend, i spend a lot. enough to make me realize that i should stop spending if i don't want to go broke.

am so excited for today. all the hard earned money, the back bithcing, the late hour nights.... will be paid off...

get some serious spending to do...

hari yang paling trauma. my patient had an arrest this afternoon. luckily the arrest team came and sorted her out.


she's bradycardic, came in with syncopal episode. was paced there and then by the cardiologist.

it's been many months since i last logged in to my freindster account. and surprisingly, they are still some visitors, friend request and comments that need approval.


actually, planning to delete the account. tapi........








sayang la.

apparently, the interns/SHOs/regs in SIVUH will all be affected by the new rota. average working of 48 hours weekly with fixed holiday. huh...

regardless, i'm having my plan holiday. period.

and oh... the flirtation... hahah. little2 things that brighten up my day

sooner or later, mmg akan bermusuh la dgn some of the nurses in SIVUH. this is inevitable. bring it on babeh...

today,

no sho around, the reg left mid day for a u2 concert in dublin. so, practically i'm the only one left.

so, when they asked me to call the team for review... i said.."what team, i'm the team now!"

and one little thing, i was supposed to book a renal biposy for a patient. my reg texted me that. so, i went and saw two of the radiologist suggested.

as expected, i briefly explain the case, what is needed, the options that we're exploring now and i showed the text that my reg send me. but unfortunately, the consultant was so amazed with my hp that he can't let go of the phone and said that it is such a nice phone. who made it? motorolla? a slide phone?

and at the back of my mind, i honestly think that he sounded more enthusiastic about my phone that the patient i'm presenting.

another issue at the moment,

one of the girls was "inappropriately" harrassed by a male patient in the ward. she was complaining to the senior doctors and nursing staff. sampai nangis2 ok.

an official report was made againts the patient.

kurang hajar betul!!

n on a different note,

a very very busy day at work. sgt2 busy smpi keje x siap, lari balik, budget sambng esok pagi jer. i'm not oncall anyway. huh...

sad day

it's just been so sad.

my patient died last night.
and one of my new inpatient potentially has a metastatic brain tumor. it's just heart breaking to see the faces of the family. i nearly cried myself.
and it's been raining the whole day.

and when i open the news, local director, yasmin ahmad passed away.. alfatihah.


hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.

saw ruth just now, in a very cute summer dress. she looked really good!!!

and in day unit just, finally i can do it on my own. didn't require any help for my task. clap2

and i completed all of my work today!!! happy sbb so many things to do, and my team was on take last weekend. many new inpatients.

today you made it clear that i don't belonged. thank u for the honesty.

almost finish cleaning up 75 summerstown. will dust it up for one last time tomorrow. =(

talking about the post call.

my partner that night who's doing surgery mentioned this...

"i think we learn more during our on calls. the mornings are just routine things."

indeed. i couldn't agree more. and of course she's overwhelmed of the fact that could she linked the haematuria of an asymtomatic patient to a prior streptococcal infection there and then.

and it's kind of great that we're there to help one another. she did some of my medical jobs. and i managed some of her surgical patients.

saya skrng post call. a very challenging night yesterday. minimal sleep. but i think i learn a lot and grow a bit as a doctor. but still penat. at days like these, i feel blessed that i have a great team and supporting collegues who don't mind to go that extra miles to make my job easier.

i tried to be optimistic about the whole thing, thinking of all the great possibilities that are ahead of me. but somehow today, i was left feeling defeated. no, not by someone else. but i just couldn't summon the courage to get up and be free of it.

...............

today was a bit quiet. running the usual errants on the wards. but one particular patient decided to make it difficult and blow off in front of me. i mean, what i am to do. i don't do ur CTPA reports, i'm not the one who will consult u for the cardio review? so, why get angry at me. for crying out loud, get ur meds in order. maybe next time, u won't have an anxiety attack and make a hassle for all of us.


-serius tak suke patient yang rude-

finally, ade masa tulis blog.

early this week was extremely busy. busy busy busy sampai kene delegate my work kepada my colleagues. so thank u to those who were they to help me.

and on call pun start this week. actually hari selasa. masa on call tu rasa2 mcm still ok la. cume post call tu yg penat, sbb x cukup tidonye dgn busy lagi. but overall still ok. and the best part comes during the weekend... ahhh

weekend

- serena won, 7-6, 6-2. second set menang mudah...
- weekend ni nak masak best2. lama dh x masak. the last one masa the lads balik msia for good.
- suka dgr lagu michael jackson yg lama. baru realise that he's a brilliant artist. sebelum ni minat biasa2 jer
- looking forward for next week. many more working hours. biarpun penat tapi xdela bosan or sunyi. team best n byk colleagues yg mmg dh knal. so, xdela rasa sunyi ke aper..

dulu masa student, wonder2 la jugak mcm best jer biler ade bleep sendiri...

ni dah keje, especially in a room full of doctors, whenever ade bleep bunyi... dlm hati mintak2 la bukan bleep aku yg bunyi tu sbb dh tau mesti nurse panggil buat something.

among my team, we call each other jer. and just now, my reg tanye whether i'm interested to join his research team.. hmmm.. tgk pk2 ni. but seems like a good oppurtunity to expand my CV..

ameen left last week & shahied is leaving tommorow. it's hard to imagine not to talk to him on a daily basis.

izad will surely miss him, i'm going to miss him too. and i know after this, we will no longer be as close as we are rite now. of course, the occasional text messages, facebooking and all that. but that's about it. inevitably, we'll change and not necessarily for the better...

today we had a mini gathering. people that i practically won't being seeing for a very long time. most of us cried as we bid our final goodbye. it was a sad moment.

and within the next few days, i'll be leaving 75 as well. no more housemates, no more groupmates, no more classmates.

the good, the bad & the ugly

this is just a point of view. it won't make or break them. as a matter of fact, my opinion has very little effect on their esteem. so, i'm going to describe a little bit of my housemates;


lets start with the eldest - shahid
as many would have mentioned before, he's like a big brother. he genuinely cares for your well being and he looks out for u when ur in need or in trouble. he likes to cook and he does it very well. hands down the best in the house. and to add it up, he's a generous person. he doesn't mind sharing or treating u the small stuff. he's the one that i can depend on the most & perhaps the one that i would trust my life with. plus, when no other wants to play soccer with me, he doesn't mind. and i appreciate his time and effort. deep down, i wish he would keep his options open.

then with ameen - he's the guy with vision. i won't say he's born to lead but he possesses the charisma and esteem that are required to be a good leader. he is full of ambition and wants to work for the greater good. i respect him for that. and of course, he's the barber of the house. with many years of training no wonder he can cut his own hair without hassle. and i personally i think that his room is the neatest of us all. he's good with organizing things. he plays music and is a good guitarist/drummer. something that i wish i'm good at

nik, as he puts it, is the one who knows what he wants & get what he wants. most of the time anyway. he dreams big things and he has the confidence to get him there. he's an all rounder. he balances well between study, lectures and his regular sporting activities. he likes all kind of sports. at times, he can be a little bit guarded and cold. he takes time to warm up and i would say he's a proud person. he doesn't look down on u but he doesn't think highly of u either. it's difficult to get his acknowledgment. and oh, he is closest with izad.

and talking about izad, the youngest of the bunch, the baby of the house. he's good with people. he makes effort to get to know everybody and build a network with his good communication skills. i envy him for that. an aspiring politician in the making... we'll see. plus, he's very studious. staying in the library until the late hours. and he's the one who normally would share his stories and he's quite open with that. he's not afraid to be on the centre stage and put himself out there. maybe, he loves the limelight???

so all in all, this is a little description of my housemates. they may agree or disagree. so do u. but doesn't matter. like i said, my opinion weight very little to them. starting tomorrow, there will no longer be "us". we've parted into our own ways, realising our dreams and catching our destiny.

sometimes i wonder, why do i choose to be bitter & throw it all away...
it can easily be forgiven & forgotten,

but i'm tired of apologizing, i'm done feeling sorry,
better to be a cold ass bitch than a doormat.

i don't do drama, i don't do conflict, i walk out...
strangely, i still couldn't find it in my heart to forgive & forget...

like i said, the cut is deeper when ur close.

things to do

-pack and unpack
-buy a car
-buy a blackberry
-work my ass off to pay the bills

a new beginning. looking forward to many new adventures as a medical intern.

drag me to hell

interestingly, i found this movie more humerous than anything else. of course, some bits are a bit scary with elements of surprise thrown in every now and then. the acting is mediocre at best.

verdict: 6/10

p/s: watched it at mines and behind us, there were two middle aged men, both plumpy looking, making annoying comments in between the scenes!! tension!!!

finally, bought a new stethoscope. lost the old one after finishing my surgery rotation!!! it's seafoam green this time!!!. later that day, went to bukit bintang. go jalan2, bought a shirt @ isetan Lot 10. also, went to Pavillion to buy some donuts. JCo donuts!!! i honestly think the donuts are way much better than krispy kreme. seriously.

then, i went back home and later that night went to NZ klcc for supper with some friends. mmg port lepak la NZ ni. either NZ or Hartamas square.

i nearly cried. at last he won the french open. i just want to savour this moment. the moment roger completed his career slam. roger is indeed a true inspiration.

got an email from the SIVUH human resource officer. cekap giler diorang. luckily, one of my housemate bg tau that i received a letter from the hospital. and the submission date pun not very convenient for me. so, i have to contact them immediately saying that i'm not in ireland at the moment.

heheh, after emailing them, they arranged for a meeting in which diorang akan tolong assist isikan the forms that are required. pheww.... lega sikit rasa.

there are a few people that i feel like bitching about... but then again, if i do so, what's the difference between me & them.

u never wrestle with a pig. both of u get dirty but the pig loves it.

locked out

went to see Terminator salvation @chears selatan yesterday. wedenesday punye ticket price rm 6 jer!!! tapi mcm ramai gak sbb school holiday. citer ni mmg best. byk sgt action!! i like.. i like... then masa balik lagi skali silap masuk jalan!!! dr cheras nak balik kajang, masuk simpang ke mines pulak!!! huhuh...


anyway, later that night pegi main boling. as usual, i suck at boling. that's the reason why i avoid playing boling especially if playing with a large group. habis dalam 2.30 pagi, then balik rumah... tup tup... x jumpe kunci. call rumah byk kali, nobody answered!!! so, pegi la tido rumah min dkt bukit mewah.

then, masa balik tu, dh sampai rumah, check kunci. xde jugak, cek balik dlm poket... hahah, rupenye ade!!! dlm poket sebelah kiri daa... penat jer calling2 rumah, ketuk2 pintu, padahal kunci dlm poket jer...

went to jusco balakong just now. bought a few t shirts. got lost on the way back sbb salah masuk simpang. pegilah all the way jalan dkt sg long. lalu 2 tol, then jumpa kajang utama. when i got back, the sliding door in front of the house dh tuka baru. green in colour dah. frame cermin pun tukar jugak.

anyway, before that, lunch satay & air tembikai... slurrppp.

and oh, i moved up to Pro 250k in fb poker today.. hahah, it takes 3 weeks for me to get there. lama gak la to reach because i'm not a risk taker and i don't like going all in without seeing the turn. tapi .. i'm still no.6 in my list... =/

i've been well fed since coming back. if anything that i like about her, is especially the fact that she's a great cook. and she does it without complain. thumbs up!!!

the new trend?

hmm... apparently, there's a lot of sugar mamas out there proudly parading their toyboys & some moneyboy scouting for new clients. and this occur in an open environment. and it seems to happen that some of the toyboys are sponsored by more than 1 cougar. and trust me, they look no where near a milf.

went for late suppper @ NZ klcc on friday night. bumped into an ex schoolmate. mula2 mcm segan nak tego, sbb die dgn a group of friends, tp on the second thought, tego jer la, sbb for all u know, x jumpe lagi. die pun dh makin stylo skrng!!

it's good to know the wherebouts of ur former classmates... especially when they have their own career that they can be proud of.

tennis & such

yesterday was pretty hectic, went for a tennis match after many months of hiatus. it feels good to put on my tennis shoe & hold on the racket back. but my serve is pretty poor these days. need more practice to keep in shape.

then, later that night, with several friends, we went to hartamas square for dinner. the funny thing was that i wore a plain red shirt which happened to be the uniform attire for the waiters there. so, on several occasions, i was mistaken as a waiter!!.. hahah

panas

one thing that i notice since coming back is that the weather is a bit too hot!. rasa mcm dehydrated pun ade. to a point when i go out, i'll always bring along deodorant, my 212/armani perfume & an extra shirt just in case.

but still, this is so much better than the irish weather.

went to midvalley just now. initially x plan nak beli apapun, but then saw some really nice shoes n mcm nak beli. the price is really good. tgk2, takde size, i have to cut one size kalo nak jugak. so, in the end tak beli jugak. hmm...

today i had this thought of people around me, of people i normally have conversations with and of people who i consider as friends within my social circle.

• is a friend really a friend when they choose not to go that extra mile when ur in need of help.
• is a friend really a friend when they promise u that they'll do anything within their power to ensure ur stability but choose to chicken out when the helping hand is needed
• and could a friend even be called a friend if they intentionally do things that could potentially risk u to ur deepest fear?

hence, i've come to realise that a friend is a powerful term that is use very loosely. for all u know, we're could be merely acquantainces & not friends. i.e, kita hanya kenalan, bukannya kawan.

is now @ starbucks The Weld. tunggu my friend dee to finish up her work, then we're heading off for dinner...

terror giler chucok cari my house. dh la malam pulak tu... tp yg lebih menarik, kwn yg die bwk tu happen to be my former classmate masa kajang high. kecik betul dunia. pusing2 jumpe balik.. hehe

oh lupe lak, masa sampai kat airport cork tu, jumpe ramai gak la

kak faies, darlene, hakim, kak gya, bahij, fairuz, asma'... huhuh, sumer pun tanye pasal result. result sendiri tak kisah la sgt tp result orng lain tuh mcm serba salah pulak nak ckp.. huhu

anyway, masa dlm flight, there's two australian i think yg duduk belakang my seat. then die call stewardess ni.. n immediately cakap... "saya cintakan anda.... maafkan saya.." so sweet !

had my roti kosong & teh tarik kurang manis today !!!

a very hectic day. sampai jer rumah punggah barang, then x sempat nak buat ape2 pun. had lunch dkt cyberjaya, an arab restaurant. mango juice die mmg terbaekkk la.... (slurp)

then went tu subang jaya, holiday villa for a preview. fuhh... penat. malam skit la baru ade masa nak blogging n usha facebook. tp jap lagi plan nak keluar pulak.. hehe

love story when the romeo sings along.

the apology

when u arrive at the ending, u can't help but to think of the beginning. so, to my dear housemates - i'm sorry for every wrong doings that i've done throughout the year.


thank u for everything.

ilman aiman

i don't know what will happen in the future,
i don't know where i'll ended up later,
i don't know when i'm going to see u again,
i don't know who else to talk to,
i don't know why am i writing this,
i don't know how to put this nicely,
i just don't know...

fed-up no longer

Federer defeated world number one & clay court king Nadal 6-4, 6-4 to win the Madrid Masters. after so long, at last... triumph against nadal!!!

mad money

tonight i played poker like i never played before. i go mad & all in. i won. i lost, i won again, lost more and this was like 80000 chips going back & forth between us. and fortunately, i won the last round with a higher card.

sometimes, going crazy can be rewarding if ur lucky!

ok. no more poker. sila study!

i've talked to mama & i feel so much better now =D

mama always know what to say & when to say them...

i don't know why but it recent months i have increasing interest on soccer. i would love to play soccer but knowing that my skill is limited, i tend not to be so vocal about it. also, i feel a bit uncomfortable playing with a group of people that im not close to. segan la..

one of these days, i just wish i could play soccer regularly, like proper soccer & not be intimidated by other players. tapi, would they tolerate my lack of skills & not be disappointed if my performance isn't up to theirs?? deep down, i'm really hoping that by any chance, those who play really well could give me some pointers and wouldn't mind teaching me so that i be more competent.

... i really want to play and i don't think any of them realise this.

poker is no longer fun. i wish i have more chips to burn. my little savings are running out day by day. and it's hard because i bet upon chances and so far only few have been properly rewarded. maybe, it's time to burn it all & call it quits.

the big players can afford to raise and lose it. i just don't have that privilege. not yet.


*tiba2 rasa sedih & rendah diri. nak main pun x semangat. xde geng pun

amne (abng munir) is coming back! but only for 3-4 days jer. he works as an architect in aussie atm and we haven't met for quite a long time. selalu balik x sama masa. i usually go back during the mid year (june) and he comes back every christmas!

and mom said that he makes the effort to come back in june this year just to see me. sweet kan?? hahah.

adakah saya seperti ini ?

*Sangat aktif dan dinamik. * Cepat bertindak membuat keputusan tetapi cepat menyesal. * Sangat menarik dan pandai menjaga diri. * Punya daya mental yang sangat kuat. * Suka diberi perhatian. * Sangat diplomatik (pandai memujuk ). * Berkawan dan pandai menyelesaikan masalah orang. * Sangat berani dan tiada perasaan takut. * Suka perkara yang mencabar, pengasih, penyayang, sopan santun dan pemurah. * Emosi cepat terusik. * Cuba kawal perasaan. * Kecenderungan bersifat pendendam. * Agresif dan kelam kabut dalam membuat keputusan. * Kuat daya ingatan. * Gerak hati yang sangat kuat. * Pandai mendorong diri sendiri dan memotivasikan orang lain. * Berpenyakit disekitar kepala dan dada. * Sangat cemburu dan terlalu cemburu*

is this bad? especially ayat2 yg dibold itu? mmg x boleh blah. hah.. xpela, semua pun ade baik buruk laku die. terima diri ini seadanya! dan saya harap mereka yg mengenali diri ini juga begitu! saya sedar saya tak sempurna.. (dah mula la ni.. tsk tsk)

today i met u again...
i had to turn my heart away
smiled like the sun
and pretend that everything was ok

and when i got back
i secretly wonder that
what if it was true?

if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be... tired of thinking the possibilities. better chin up and enjoy my remaining days.

senyum la skit...

sometimes it feels like i'm not just losing the war, but the battles along the way too. how could i compete with that? what are the odds of me prevailing? and this is disheartening because i hate walking around feeling all defeated & unworthy... and worse.. deep down i know that there's nothing much that i could do. even if i risk it, the odds would still not be on my favour ='(

i've just realise the potential complications that could arise. lets just hope that it settles. if not, chances are i'll be making a different turn from my initial plan.

takpelah, nak buat mcm mana lagi...

K.H.S 9701

little did i know that this group exist in my facebook circle. and the irony of it all is that all the admins who created the group were once my dear classmates. christopher who i think is now a doctor graduated from melbourne uni.. choo who is a successful pharmacist in tawau and chee leong who is now a qualified accountant.

wawee... got a reminder of the lubang jepun in KHS. heheh, actually x penah bother pun nak cari even though i'm aware of the existence. and when they talk about the makcik jual nasi lemak or mee soto in the canteen... i seriously have no recollection of any memorries regarding that. giler loser... what had i been doing back then in KHS?

anyway, i miss KHS. it may not be the prestigious boarding school that u can boast about, but it's my school. and that's all that matters. even now, it still feels surreal that a nobody form kajang high could ended up here alongside the graduates from other respective schools. thank u to my teachers....they tought us well. and lastly the motivating lines that we chanted whenever we feels like.

Everywhere we go..
People want to know..
Who we are..
Where do we come from..
So we tell them..
We are from Kajang High..
Mighty...Mighty KAJANG HIGH!!

tiba2 teringat lagu ni and the memories with it . it was in 1997. i was naive.

at first, i watched his performance because i like this song very much. tak kenal pun saper akim ni. then bila dh dgr.. mcm best la jugak. sempoi jer. iyerla, still nothing much to boast if compared with other establish singers but i think his performance was pretty decent. i like it.

boringnye !!!

tak tau dh nak buat aper. nak keluar malas pulak. dh lama x pegi gym. dulu ade bas pass senang skit. skrg ni aper pun xde. jalan kaki mmg out of the question la. ishhh. tensennye!

tiber2 rasa mcm nak main bola. tp xde geng. ='(

and to mama... happy mother's day!!!

aku dan mereka

izad n shahied dlm bilik. tgh karoke. multiple songs. belum habis lagu dh tuka baru..

i can't help but to think that, this simple moment, this unproductive time wasting moment is among the few things that i will miss .

ameen dkt dapur tgh makan
nik dalam bilik. study kot. die rajin.
and me, aku tgh duduk mengadap diorang karoke. nak study mcm x sesuai pulak. heheh, xpela.. bukannya lama pun masa dgn diorang yg tinggal. aku pun nak balik malaysia dh.

somebody said that all of us are special in our own way. semua masak sedap. takda yg lebih. takde yg kurang. lately, aku rajin skit masak. slalunya malas. ntah kenape.

oh... sekarang lagu hot and cold - katie parie. they are enjoying themselves. letting loose and just give it all.

i don't know how to conclude this entry. tak sampai hati rasanya. sebab bila aku titik kan tanda noktah maka berakhirlah semua ini. permulaan yg baru. a new chapter kata semua. hopefully, kita semua berjaya and we remain as tight after leaving 75.

what is life if there's no drama. when boredom creeps in with the somber looking face... where's the fun in that?

interestingly, all this while, i have never gotten emotionally involved when watching a soccer match. but yesterday's game, i was feeling anxious, waiting in agony for barca to kick it off. it was certainly a painful experience and the restlessness was getting a little too much.

now, i understand, why my housemates are getting all excited and frustrated when their team perform or off form. it really feels like ur part of the team and u want them to win it so bad. so apologies if i ever criticised their spirit by saying it's just a game. because, as far as i can see it now, it is more than that. it carries thousands and millions of hope from people all over..

and now, i can't wait to watch the final! eh i pun x sure ade astro sports tak dkt my tv?? tapi kalo xde pun, leh jer lepak mamak layan bola sambil minum teh tarik kurang manis! heheh...

bundchen & barca

i always have a thing for gisele. she looks insanely hot in this pic. low cut dress with killer legs to match !! sexy.

and oh, i'm so happy that barca moves into the final. wheew... it was painful to watch them not having a shot on until the 93rd minute and they scored!. mwahh... i luv u barca!! and hopefully the final later will be a match to remember. tak kisahla saper menang asalkan it's a tight match! viva barca!!!

made a fool of myself tadi masa study group. u know when the heat is a little too much, then mula la u let loose and do silly things. the capacity to pick up more info pun dh saturated dh. nasib baik my study grup pun, ade several people yg like me.


tak tahan bila one of my grupmates ckp, xpe aiman aku paham.. orng lain tak tau la pulak! tapi, thankfully ade study grup ni, study la jugak walaupun the pace to mcm slow giler!

n dgr lagu ct tadi, heheh....

tertarik part ni,

apa salahkah jika aku meminta,
apa salahkau jika engkau ternyata...

zee avi

zee avi... heard about her recently through a forum. then, yusma reinforced her existence and her talent. then suddenly,tergerak hati nak dgr her music playlist.

and she blows me away. but the thing about her is that her voice is neither majestic nor powerful. and i'm still in doubt whether she can sustained a high note very well. but the beautiful thing about her music is that it's relatable and real. there's no touchy feely kind of lyrics with soapy agendas behind them.

i like her songs so far. she's good. but i need more stuff to hear before i make a definite judgment.

maybe this is it. things changed. it's a bit sad but there's nothing much that i could do. it's not my call to say. we all have our priorities. we have things to do and we move forward.

so, lets just hope that tomorrow brings better and brighter days for our respective ventures.

am eating a lot of chocs atm. rasa rendah diri, gundah gulana, jiwa kacau dan seangkatan dengannya. even then, still rasa a bit depress. and this time, it's because of a different reason. kene tido la nampaknya. try to sleep on it...


am having this feeling again. ooh.. i hate this part!!

even though on numerous occasions, i vow to be more cut throat and selfish but when it comes do to the damaging act itself, somehow... i just couldn't do it.

and it's not because i'm a nice person. i know i have my fair share of mistakes, but to intentionally hurt somebody.. i couldn't.

i guess when ur coming to an end, u start to think back of the beginning. people may come & go in ur life but true friends will remain. i wouldn't want to feel awkward if i see u within the next few years and not knowing what to say. and worse, if i'm not even bothered..

but it takes great effort to remain as close friends. as much as i want to, there is only so much that i can do. i can text u, call u, asking how ur doing, what's up and other small little chats that i do to keep tract of ur life... but if ur not interested, then what more can i say...

it'll be sad to think that after this, chances are that we could end up as strangers to one another..

i feel so much better today... looking forward to a great week ahead!

i have to do what i have to do. i tried to do good, but people remain doubtful. i tried to be civil but to no avail.

i tried, i tried & i tried... to a point where i'm getting tired..

and to whom it may concern, i'm sorry if i lash it out on u. it has been a stressful week, and i try to keep it together and contain it all. but when u did that, i just lose it. u don't deserve that. it's not ur fault.

ismail mohd noor

around this time of the year, it's been about 15 years since father left. and ever since, never has there been a day that i didn't think about him.

with the graduation coming up, i just wish that he can be here...

to say the words that i'm dying to hear.
to hear him say that "i'm proud of you, son" means everything to me.
i want him to be happy.
i want to do him justice.
he is such a respectable & honourable man.
and i want to emulate that as much as i can.

i want to hold his hand
i want him to pat my back
and say that i lived to his expectations
i want him to be there
to share my moments of joy and happiness

and when i'm sad and need a shoulder to cry on
i want him to say that everything is going to be ok
and protect me from the big bad world
like he used to when i was younger..

and i want to pay him back
for the great things that he had done
to take care of him
the way he has taken care of me
with undying love and patience...

ayah.. i miss u and i will always do. Al fatihah

one my classmates/friend dh nak kawen dh.. huhuh.. that guy is one lucky man!

above all this, i wish them nothing but the best for the beautiful years ahead. congratulations nang!

the day when i cried my heart out

i don't know why i get so emotional these days. perhaps, the anxiety of the exam has really taking it's toll on me. little2 things that normally wouldn't have bothered me that much seems to break me easily.

and the worst part is that people don't really care. there are always more important things to deal with. i wish i could do the same and stop caring that much about others. i just feel so alone rite now and nobody to talk to. i feel very vulnerable and out of place. the cut is always deeper when ur close.

i really wish that dad is here to knock some sense into me, to set me up straight and be resilient to this kind of atmosphere. ayah, ilman rindu ayah...


mama... mama

just an observation, so far, very few people are willing to go behind the wheel and be the driving force. we always lean on other people's initiative...


and if u want to save lives.. be a doctor.
but if u want to save millions of lives at a go... be an epidemiologist. this is why we need public health.

she's blooming with happiness. they compliment each other well

bang bang

..she wore black and i wore white,
she will always win the fight..

bang bang she shot me down
bang bang i hit the ground
bang bang that awful sound
bang bang my baby shot me down....

strip poker..


isn't it an exciting game?? hahah. =P

it's not the flesh that u want to see, but the thought of removing an item of clothing with each losses is enticing.


it is even better when ur comfortable with ur own skin.

pesan mama,

apapun jgn putus asa!

had my surgery clinics just now. alhamdulillah it went ok. thank u God.

but pagi tu, a few hours before clinic, baru perasan that i've misplaced my stethoscope. ke hulu, ke hilir cari, x jumpe2 gak... last2 tiber teringat n terus pinjam kt aina who will be having her clinics tomorrow.

so thank u aina. mintak pinjam satu, dpt dua terus.. ngee. di ckp pilih la yg mana best. n just now masa clinic to my suprise, for the long case dpt one of the familiar faces that i've grown to be accustomed to since the recent months.. heheh, dlm hati excited jugak, sbb die pun mcm giving me that cheeky grin what he first saw me there.

so, for this surgery clinics, dpt
- intermittent claudication for long case
- short cases - stoma/hartmann's, diabetic foot, multiple surgical x rays (3 stations)

esok keluar list oral. semoga dipermudahkan. isnyaAllah...

n good luck to the rest yg akan amik their clinics tomorrow.

leaving on a jet plane - mv armagedon

sometimes i'm nice,
sometimes i'm not,
sometimes i'm dark and twisted,
sometimes i'm bright and shiny,

and sometimes, i need space,
i need to get away.. away from here.
to cool things off,
to get some peace,
to regain my sanity..

i don't like fixing things when it's broken. i walk away..


*i know, it doesn't rhyme. so...

as much as i want to, i don't know whether it's possible or not. i just feel so vulnerable at the moment..

penat jugak eh nak tengs kan sumer orang.. isk2 mcm mana la nanti bila kawen.. tulis thank u note kat sumer yg hadir.. hahah

okeh.. pergi telaah buku.

the big two five

thank u to the boys of 75 summerstown aka my housemates/brothers/family

p/s: click the pics for bigger view.

So little time..
Try to understand that I'm...
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game..
I try to stay awake and remember my name..
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.

we got the bacth from med protecion society.

it reads Dr. M.I Aiman Ismail.

i don't know why but i'm overwhelmed. thank u..

i'm having on of those days where i think too much...


aawww... hidup2.. macam2 yg boleh berlaku...


tapi lately... asyik makan tido, makan tido, makan tido. kalau xde makanan mulalah rasa gelisah, nak ke tesco malas, tapi mulut nak mengunyah jer. isk2... cmner ni?

dh la the guys here pandai2 belaka... sometimes rasa mcm x measure up pulak... dush. salahkan diri sendiri yg x bersungguh study. lepas tu berangan pulak. ishh... geram betul!

ilmu jangan lokek. ilmu bukan milik kita. milik bersama.

hmm...so i screwed up... but there are many more to come ahead. walking in there feeling all defeated is not an option. lets do this...



bismillahirrahmanirrahim

ok GO!

ilisaurus

i would rarely promote other blogs, but i think this one is pretty cool. she's my neighbour back then in Reko road. and now she's in liverpool furthering her studies.

check it out especially if u like indie gigs.
anyway, here it is... http://ilisaurus.wordpress.com/

when he saw me taking pictures of my colleagues, instead of keeping me away from taking more pics, he showed me how to take better pics, to make the pics clearer when the object is moving... heheh, n this happen there and then during the presentation...

and oh.. did i mentioned that he was the time keeper for the questioning sessions.. heheh

i just don't know what to do with myself. i need a big slap on my face and get a reality check. maybe what they say is right. i am a laughing stock. i don't take things seriously and i'm no better than the rest. i should know my place.

#

it's gonna be pretty nerve wrecking tomorrow. i practiced a few times but i still get a little over 7 minutes. i hope somehow, i can pull this one off. best of luck to all of us who are presenting tomorrow and the day after.

aawww... though i'm not an avid fan, but i think they compliment each other. sweet.

and on a different topic, i'm trying to improvise from the original script that i wrote. susahla nak make it 7 minutes when i have so much to say. huh..

some people said that if u know only this much now, then chances are u'll probably only know that much. housemanship is a different ball game all together. you learn more of the clinical stuff, enhancing ur hands on skills but in terms of theory, u won't gain as much as when ur in the final year. techincally this is supposed to be ur peak period.

but then again, someone elses say that knowledge is a lifelong process. u can never acquire enough no matter how much u think u've gain. so, what happen then?

and this morning was a bit quiet. my bas pass has expired. hence, i decided to walk to SIVUH. the last time i walked there, it took me about 35 minutes. my tutorial starts at 8am and this morning i went out at 7.35. so in my mind i know that i'll be late.

but fortunately, as i was walking up the summerstown road, a car passed by and pulled over. he offered me a lift to SIVUH. =)

i had my interview yesterday. it went slightly rough for me. half of the time, i was criticised for giving out 'wrong' answers. maybe because, i speak my mind out. i could write up on a whole page of list about what i dislike in the interview but i choose not to.

we don't bite the hands that feed us don't we??

hari ni, keluar 7.20, naik bas 7.25 pegi town. then sbb awal lagi, ingatkan nak cucuk duit jap, so, tak kisah la bas no. 10 dh pegi pun... tengah jalan2 nak ke S.I, nampak bas no.10A... tgk kat depan mcm pegi mahon point. so cun la ni.

naik jap, dlm hati mcm takut2 kalo die ikut route lain.. then lepas gerak, lalu gardai building tu, dlm hati lega skit. benti jap kt traffic light. then tgk2 instead of pegi terus, die pusing masuk selekoh kiri...

dlm hati dh nyumpah2 dh, so budget turun next stop.. rupenye next stop die jauh giler ok!!! masuk highway mana tah... so terpaksa jalan kaki all the way and turn to the corner yg nak pegi S.I. 15 minit ok jalan! sakit hati betul. dari budget awal terus jadi lambat..

seb baik tutorial worth it la. buat practice role play short cases: byk gak kaver,
- expressive dysphasia
- myasthenia gravis
- ataxia
- thyroid eye disease
- leg ulcer
- parkinsonian features
- ankylosing spondylitis
- DVT

then gi amik hx haematmesis. hx die menarik tapi patient tu mcm a bit deaf. so die x dgr sgt aper yg kitorang tanya. but all in all, rasa mcm banyak blaja hari ni biarpun insiden pagi tadi sgt menyusahkan diri!!!

n ohh, my bas pass mcm dh nak expire dh... x best nye, x leh nak naik bas sesuka hati lagi.. dush2..

a picture that paints a thousand words

and i want it for all the wrong reasons. where's the sense in that?

hari ni sgt best. initally mcm x nak dtg, then yesterday, bernard ckp nak buat tutorial. so dtgla jugak. alih2 lepas grand rounds, cancel pulak.. x dpt nak book room.

sbb still awal lagi, dlm pukul 8 lebih, then pegi la staff canteen, breakfast jap. kat situ, jumpe kak wan dgn haizlin. borak2 pasal nak final, then tanye pasal interview, tanye ok x kalo jadi intern kat sini next year, pasal gaji, pros and cons sumer...

then, jumpe fadri, mintak patients. amik hx pasal PE. seriously, hx taking ni la antara yg best, bukan sbb dpt elicit byk points, tapi sbb asyik gelak jer sepanjang amik hx tu. pakcik tu mmg cool!

then pegi cari patient yg ade chest signs. case pleural effusion, dgr crackles, wheezez in 2 patients. then pegi jumpe patient lain, die dtg sbb angina attack tapi skrng dh stable skit. so buat praktis la mcm2 exam kat die. buat CVS, respiratory, and peripheral nervous system. pakcik tu pun best.

all in all, hari ni mmg sgt best. cume balik tu penat skit n xde mood nak masak.

cinta

Cinta - Nikki

i like this song. it's a simple, uncomplicated song without the typical melancholy of a soapy love ballad. plus, it is soothing to the ears. this song is certainly growing on me.

siti

baca paper, nampak pic siti ni..

honestly, i'm not in any way supporting the way she wears her head scarf but in this pic i think she looks adorable. like a korean actress...

the new ESB bill is up the roof !!! how on earth are we going to pay for it???

seriously!!

did quite a few things today. first up, took a history, the patient has prostate cancer but now present with an epigastric mass & diffuse abdominal pain. initially, we thought, it is a metastatic liver condition but turns out that the homogenous mass covers a lot of the liver area when we looked at the CT scan. so most probably it is a primary hepatocellular carcinoma.

then, another interesting patient who has wegner's granulomatosis. he has a bilateral sensorineural hearing loss. he is in his late 30s and now use hearing aids on both ears. usually WG affects the respiratory tract and renal function. he is admitted following acute abd pain and had a hx of perforated bowel before.

then, with bernard, i was instructed to examine a parkinsonian features. kelam kabut la jugak walaupun penah buat. the whole group bursts out laughing because i made a few embarrassing mistakes during the examination.. heheh

then, some of my fellow classmates complimented on the pictures that we took on saturday. u guys look cool !!!

i could write a whole lot more, expressing issues that i think is worth while.... but i choose not to. i could've done so much more but i choose not to. or i could bitch, whine and complain like no other but i choose not to...

sabar sabar ilman aiman.

shuffle

the new 3rd generation ipod shuffle with a capacity of 4GB is now on sale for RM 304 !!
yeay !!!

i've just watched the latest episode of grey's anatomy. it's a bit sad to see izzie leaving the show. i think the producer just wants her out immediately. if not, then why on earth was she scripted to have a 5% survival rate with a stage 4 malignant melanoma that has mets to the liver & brain?

and oh talking about melanomas, i haven't really seen one up close. not in my rotation anyway. maybe there are some in the hospital but unfortunately, there are under different consultant that i'm not attached to.. but in the surgical wards? hmmmm

bernard is away atm.. so i didn't do much. saw a patient, talk a bit, didn't even take a full hx.. huhuh, and i left during lunch time. apparently today is the last session for dr Bennet's tutorial... what will i do now on Thursday evening?? i'm gonna miss the radiology part the most.

went to the gym today. tunggu bas number 8. haih, lama pulak, dkt half an hour!! because i played diablo 2 yesterday n didn't study much, i felt the urge to do a little bit of reading today. so, in between my workout, i spend a good few minutes reading the oxford handbook, hahaha!! rasa sedap sikit la hati sbb study...=P

n my presentation still x siap lagi. stuck a bit dkt the result section. x sure nak regurgitate everything ker, nak put up only some information n said the rest during the presentation itself?... hmmm

lagi satu, internet xde the whole afternoon!!.. so balik pegi tido sat, bangun still xde!!! dkt pukul 8.40 mlm baru ade n this is practically the first thing i do. i blog, =)

yesterday was tiring. got home, slept for 2 hours and i played diablo 2 for the rest of the night!!! anyway, mikail baked blueberry muffins and gave us some yesterday. the muffins look like the picture above and they were seriously good!! nyum nyum.... they were supposed to be for sarah's birthday but turns out her bday is next week. lol

presentation

after 3 weeks of hiatus, it's a bit difficult to start on my power point. i have to reread back my printed fyp since i'm having a bit of trouble recalling the important bits of my project.. tsk tsk

unwell

i just feel like lying in bed doing nothing..... but i have back to back surgery tutorials this morning... arghhh!!

thursday evening

i went to dr B tutorial just now. of course, the radiology was brilliant as usual but the most entertaining part was during prof presentation. he talked about stem cell and how it would be useful in diabetic patients. and during the end of his speech, there was a heated debate between himself, dr B and some of my outspoken colleagues. as u would have know, stem cell research is a controversial issue and the arguement to and againts the research are not without their limitations. but the funny thing is that everybody was very firmed with their opinions and none of them want to back off!!! they are old indeed, highly educated with a lot of experience in their pockets but the common denominator is that all of them are stubborn!. their ego practically fills up the room!!

and hands down, watching them argue againts each other is by far my favourite part of the tutorial. they can just argue and not teach for the whole two hours and i'm not gonna complain. and as a matter of fact, they'll have my full attention. i'm all eyes and al ears for that!

this is an excellent revision book for both medicine & surgery. i have it for months but only recently started to read up on it. the basics are well covered with a little bit of extra bits for brownie points. highly recommended especially if ur not into thick text books.

words from the wise - strong as an ox but twice as intelligent... are apparently what u need to become an orthopaedic surgeon.


huahuahuahua

case study: status epilepticus

56-year-old man presents with status epilepticus. According to the family members, he was diagnosed 6 years ago with epilepsy when he presented with the first episode of seizure. He was subsequently prescribed anti-epiletics but continued to have episodic seizures despite being adherent to his medications. Like many similar patients, no EEG was ordered nor a CT scan of the brain done for him. There is no family history of seizures nor does he takes any drugs, alcohol or traditional medications.

When he was more lucid, other than being of slow mentation, there were no other focal neurological signs.

questions:

1) comment on the CT scan
2) what is the next course of of action?





answers

1) There is gross hydrocephalus, suggested by the dilated lateral ventricles as well as the 3rd ventricle. The fact that the latter is dilated as well suggests a block in the connecting duct between it and the 4th ventricle (the aqueduct of sylvius) or a generalised hydrocephalus. There is also an irregular lesion in the right frontal lobe, with density between that of brain matter (grey) and CSF (black). This might suggests a tumor.


2) The immediate action to take is to alleviate the raised intracranial pressure. A neurosurgical referral should be made for a VP shunt to be inserted. Later on, investigations should be done to identify the cause of the hydrocephalus, which in this case is most likely due to a brain tumor.


*credit to jimbo*

knee exam

buat knee examination, jadi the chosen one to do it first, isk isk... hbs la terkontang kanting, x reti buat... but bernard corrected me. so in the end, insyaAllah dh tau skit cmner nak buat knee examination.

dgr citer, knee examination is important in surgery utk final med. nak assess ligament yg injured itu. this is especially important for sports medicine. a few interns ckp diorang dh kene n bernard pun asyik remind supaya practice and make it look like u've done it before..

basically, the knee examination is more or less similar to the one demonstrated in this video. and at least for exam purpose, please read up on ur knee ligaments!!!

not ready to make nice

Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

I'm Not Ready To Make Nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

mock xm

i had my mock exam just now. ingatkan kene next week, but then sarah bg tau that bernard wanna do it today. so i was caught a bit off guard la. and i went in unprepared... okla, sempatla tgk certain chapters yg i think penting...

n the exam went ok. dpt case appendicitis. bernard will always give good feedback. i adore him for that. he will try his best to keep u motivated. but what i like the most was when the patient backed me up. he said that i know a little bit of everything and i will be a good doctor~~ heheh, terharu jap especially the part where my patient intentionally help me to answer some of the questions. since bernard was looking towards me for answers, the patient at the back gave out many signs and gestures indicating what he thought was the correct answer.. sweet kan.. hahah

and of course bernard loves the fact that i bonded well with the patient!!!

i'm not feeling well actually today. initially, i feel like skipping the whole Thursday and stay in bed sleeping but yesterday, Bernard said that he's going to talk about murmurs today since two person were missing yesterday. he wants everybody to be there.

and oohh, i saw her. after all these months, i still hate her. she's evil!!! she made my 2nd rotation a misery!

things to do before i turn 25

since i'm turning 25 next month then what the hell..

1. i would love to be debt free. u see, i spend a lot and buy a lot of things that i seldom use. i use my cards like almost every time i go out. damn those impulse purchasing!!
2. i hope i can get better grades. if i get grades like this when i was in high school, i'll probably shoot myself and die. it is embarrassing. but knowing that i'm in final med and at least a third of the class is getting more or else the same grade, then it's a bit comforting.
3. i honestly feel that i need to learn how to play at least an instrument. in my eyes, musicians are sexy!! my brothers play the drum and the guitar. my sister is a good pianist. and me, unfortunately i'm not musically talented.
   
4. i really need to be in love, like seriously dangerously to die for in love. get dumped. and fall in love again with a better girl who is going to be my future wife. it's all about the right timing. past encounters are of no use. i walked away too early
5. i know Liverpool has a slim to nil chance of winning the premier league. but i hope MU will not win it either. it's so annoying seeing them taking it all. i know i'm going againts the odds here. even if they do win the league, i hope they'll lose on other encounters.
   
6. i need to brush up on my presentation skill. i'm amazed at some of my peers who are very fluid in their delivery. sometimes, it doesn't really matter what u say but how u say it is more important. me... i talk too fast when i'm nervous. that is not good.
   
7. i wish i can just go out there, take the next plane and go to somewhere exotic. but surely, in the right state of mind, this isn't possible.
   

having said all of these, i know, when i turn 25, most probably i'll ended up not doing the things that i've mentioned above. so, why bother jotting it down then? just for the fun of it i guess plus to fill up some empty gaps in between my next entry. :)

snow

setelah sekian kalinya, snow dgn begitu lebat melanda bumi cork!!!

pagi before keluar, jenguk2 window... fuh... byknya snow! habis all the grass dkt halaman kene cover with snow, and the cars, the top part & bonet pun diliputi salji.

then, on the way nak pegi bas station depan rumah, budget nak naik bas 7.25 pagi, tapi kuar dlm 7.20.... dlm hati rasa mcm bas dh lepas jer... huhuh. before sempat sampai tempat tunggu bas tu, ade kereta pull over, tanye, nak ker S.I ker?.. heheh, angguk, n die ckp masukla.. =), oh itu kereta dr syuk ya.., dlm kete pun masing2 sembang pasal snow. everybody was excited about it.

then, masa dkt S.I, keluar jap, nak pegi town.. biasela.. gap between tutorial lama, so apa lagi... then on the way jalan tu, a heavy snow turun!!! rasa mcm best giler. like a wark in the park when i was in Amsterdam ( sbb pegi time2 bulan mac jugak!). it was snowing for a good 20-30 minutes jugakla... rasa mcm nak amik gamba. tapi jalan sorang2 la pulak. malu pun ade..

oh, before i forget, yesterday, when i did my hx taking with this one patient.. he looked out the window, it was raining a bit and he said to me & yopit.. i think it's gonna snow tomorrow!!. and tup2, mmg snow pun hari ni... then, i saw him again today at the corridor. i said, u were right mr. it is snowing!!! die pun ckp.. i told u, didn't i!! heheh, and somewhere close to the main entrance, nampak pulak dr hewitt dgn his former spr (norin). ape yg diorang buat dkt S.I ek??

kene tegur dgn landlady lagi semalam.. sigh

asal la aku yg rajin bukak pintu.

die ckp nak hire orng clean the walls, or possibly repaint them. huhuh

anyway, this week is my anest week. but i went to the theater for only an hour. couldn't find the consultant. stuck with the reg i think, and he left me after 20 minutes. so aper lagi...

isn't it funny that we always have the answer to other people's questions but not our own...

i've just encountered one of the tackiest word i ever read.

u know the wikipedia right? the online encyclopedia ... then if ur searching for hot babes then, where would u look up them for...


erk... apparently...

chickipedia!!!

friday

hari ni tgk jadual, ade grand round pagi, lepas tu xde tutorial

jadi, dgn senang hatinya, saya pun terus tido balik lepas subuh, menggantikan tido2 yg x mencukupi sebelum ini

lagipun, petang ni ade klas lama sket and esok pun ade kot. so...

n JPA membayar claim secara berperingkat... hmmm

my supervisor said this,

"if ur here later this year when ur an intern, there's an orthopedic research prize, u should submit ur work. honestly, i don't think u'll win but it will be good for ur CV."

heheh, honest giler. x kan menang. huahuahua. but utk CVku nanti...hmmm

anyway, Alhamdulillah, settle dh masalah ethics. dh dpt surat tu. Alhamdulillah

it was supposed to be a spot on diagnosis. so we went. ok, at first sight, the patient is jaundiced. and i thought there's more. since the patient had a tracheotomy, then he was unable to speak. and a routine thing to do, is an examination of the tummy and the patient consented on that.

as he was about to lie down from a sitting position, he suddenly coughed quite violently, gasping for air and pin pointed at his tracheotomy site.

and i was .... shit! we panicked, we called the nurse and he glanced, gave us the degrading cynical look.!

so lesson learned. i'm not going anywhere near a tracheotomy patients !! .

a beaten face

under her umbrella..ella..ella..ella

*kredit to the owner

i want to be u

no no.. not like u, but u. i want to be u

think about this for a minute. think about how u would react if someone told u that who u are as a person is the one that is holding u back. and worse, deep down, u wanted to agree with them. u knew they were right. so, would u do it?

it's a cruel world out there. they were telling u to stay true to urself but secretly, they wish u were a different person. would u change? would u become someone that let u live what u wanted? would u cast aside the person that is holding u back completely and fully to assume a brand new role that doesn’t resemble the old u in the least?

and truth be told, we wear different faces all the time. a student, a son, a friend, a lover, a leader... each part of us yearns to be someone else. more confident, more go getter, more fortunate, more intelligent.. and if u had the chance, would u do it? would u take on a role that makes opportunity possible, makes life easier and makes ur dream become reality. but more importantly, who would u be?

the grass is always greener on the other side. i don't know why but at this time and space, i wish i could be u. not like u... but u.

new guidelines

i was talking to Liz yesterday, and she said that the new FYP guideline is actually meant for the 4th years!! no wonder there is so much to write about because their required word count is up to 5000 words!!

so, there is no need to go to that extra length like how they put it in the new guidelines.

my supervisor wants to know the date. he asked to me to tell him in advanced before the project presentation. he might be able to attend. hmm... O_0

proofreading

i went to CUH just now to hand in my draft for my supervisor to check on. and along the way, i met yopit & aina. so we sat, chat and i asked them to have a read on my project. and i was corrected quite a few times by them.

so, what i want to suggest to all final meds....before handing in ur project to the medschool, it is better to seek opinion from ur colleage. aina even said that the irish girls are doing that too. they take turns checking for grammar, the content or any general opinions that they think might add up to the project. for example, yopit thinks that i have too many tables. and i repeat the sentence p<0.05 quite a lot. even the table size was being commented!! x cantik!!

because, on our own eyes, we tend to overlook small little details that we think would not have matter that much but others might have a different say. so again, double check with ur colleague. we might be surprised to learn the feedback! and of course, i don't mind if u want to read mine as long as u give constructive comments after reading it!

good luck to all ya..

takziah siti for the loss of you father. Alfatihah